The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths. – Elisabeth Kubler Ross.

And they are the most humble too.

As for those who are arrogant and proud of themselves and demeaning others, looking down upon them, they are those who are smart enough or evil enough that such tests and trials do not touch them. Even if some suffering due to their sins touch them, they remain proud and don’t take any heed. Arrogant people look down upon others who are going through challenges in their life. By their words and actions, they make others feel that they are not handling their sufferings graciously. In fact these are the very people who will never even think of right or wrong, to avade such challenges in their life let alone be strong enough to tackle then, even if that means doing bad to someone else. They are used to hurting people so they find it okay, because they feel they are “superior”. Irrespective of whether their “superiority” is something they themselves strived to achieve or not. When they don’t have the guts to stick to the right and good way, to avoid challenges, how then can they be sure that they would rather accept those sufferings and tackle similar challenges graciously? Of course they would fail in the first instance if by chance, something of that sort struck them.

I have had my own experience of tackling pain and suffering in life and met with the most beautiful people and experienced the most ugly ones. I was surprised and shocked when i experienced both- the humble and the arrogant respectively. How amazingly beautiful can some people be! But i was specially disturbed by the absolute plethora of ugly people making our lives more difficult. I would admit meeting one after another such people which only elongated the healing process by multiples. We see such people sharing a community or geographical area sometimes. But that is no good reason for such things to exist. This is what has inspired this article.

It’s easy to preach and feel smart and look smart, they maybe able to sell themselves and make people believe they are amazing. But there are people who have wisdom too, not everyone thinks what glitters is gold. Very soon people understand the fallacy of arrogant people’s judgements of others. People realise that they are toxic and actual trouble makers no matter how much stain they would try to blot on others. A few of these “understanders” may call that out too. Again, there are very few who call out a wrong being done, that topic i will touch in another blog.

If a haughty one is confronted about their arrogant behaviour or false allegations or judgements about somebody, their egos grow exponentially, and what follows is their worst behaviours and slanders and lies, you would see them compromise on the very values they showed off once or things they believed to be true. Instead of taking heed, arrogant people would rather never tolerate anything spoken against them, anything that can apparently reduce the superiority or smartness or goodness which they keep touting about.

On the other hand, someone who has experienced challenges in life and knows the pain and effect it causes to individuals and families, something which is irreversible, would never undervalue somebody else’s struggles. Such people would be the most understanding and helping. A simple example of this is that you would mostly find homeless or beggars, ready to share their food or space with others than the haughty who strived hard to get every extra they have in life, or so do they think. Even if the poor have less, they know the pain of hunger very well, so they would share and feel good about it.

Many teams and nations get united when they are struck by tough challenges. Revolutions are a result of continuous struggling. It is only the lap of lavishness, which breeds negative values like arrogance.

My point is not to display and make someone desire challenges instead of comfort and ease in life. My point is to show that we have two models in our life to accept- one which glitters a lot but in fact has no mettle in it, and another which looks weak but in fact is truly strong and ideal and something praiseworthy. The question to each one of us is whether we are ready to understand one from another? Which one would we rather emulate?

The time we start siding with the humble rather than the arrogant, we already start breaking the arrogance of the arrogant. If arrogance is kept hurting for long, it would soon cease to trouble and hurt others. This effort is supposed to be done in life, so that there is no oppression in the name of “superiority”, not even ill behaviour towards any sufferer. Rather all those who are suffering get a comforting and understanding world. This will help people heal faster. It won’t multiply their pain. It would open their minds and many avenues. Correct advice will help them and they would in turn become humble and happy people instead of bitter and depressed ones.

Atleast that’s the kind of world i see and strive for, after knowing this bad bad world full of people simply demeaning for personal egos.

Look here next time too, for another idea 🙂

Suggestions for Qawwam-minded men who want to truly support women:

1) Start in your home, with your mothers, sisters, wives, daughters etc. Actively assist in housekeeping, not being a sexist jerk, ensuring that their rights are being fulfilled, that they are not being abused.
2) Evaluate yourself, your thought processes when it comes to gender and how you treat women, and your daily behaviour. Ask the women around you for an honest evaluation of your behaviour and mentality. Adjust accordingly.
3) Look at your local masjid/ Muslim community. How are women spoken about and treated? Do they have access to prayer spaces? Do they feel safe in public places? Are they given a voice in community meetings and events?
If not, use your privilege to advocate on their behalf.
4) There are always women who are struggling, with poverty and other issues. Don’t interact with them to take advantage of their vulnerability; instead, do as many great Muslim men of the past used to do, by providing them with help.
5) Educate yourself about issues like domestic violence and abuse, which so often affect women disproportionately. Support women’s shelters, volunteer, fundraise – whatever you can do to help.
Seriously – if you believe that women should be protected, then please, put your money where your mouth is.

– Anonymous

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton